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Steven and Hector’s Path to Parenthood Through Foster Care

For Steven Oliver and his husband Hector, becoming parents wasn’t just about growing their family; it was about providing love and stability for children who needed it most. The couple, who met online 12 years ago and married in 2018, live in Union County, New Jersey. Steven works as a vice principal and Hector as an attorney. Together, they are the proud dads of Jacob, 5, and Ariana, who is nearly 2.

Hector and Steven on their wedding day

“Our journey to parenthood started with a shared belief that we wanted to give back in a meaningful way,” Steven explained. “Adopting through the foster care system felt like the most natural path for us. It allowed us to build our family while also honoring the challenges children and birth families in the system face.”

“We recognize that many children in foster care have experienced loss and hardship,” continued Hector, “And that their birth parents often face significant struggles.”

Steven and Hector with Jacob at his “Peace Out Foster Care” party

The couple welcomed Jacob into their hearts and into their home in late 2019. But it took another 3 years till they became his legal guardians, and their path was far from easy.

“For over three years, we lived with the constant uncertainty of not knowing if we’d be able to provide him with a permanent home,” said Steven. “The uncertainty was emotionally exhausting– trying to be fully present for him while navigating a system where decisions about his future were out of our hands.”

“But every day, we showed up as his dads, giving him everything we had,” added Hector.

Hector and Steven with Ariana

When Ariana joined their family, the emotional challenges resurfaced. “We weren’t sure if we’d be able to adopt her,” Hector shared. “It’s incredibly hard to open your heart so fully, knowing there’s a chance you might have to say goodbye. But for us, the love we felt for her—and her resilience—kept us going. 

Eventually, Steven and Hector were able to adopt Ariana, officially making her a permanent part of their family. “Looking back, the uncertainty and challenges made the moment we could finally call them our children all the more profound,” Steven said.

As a family, they enjoy spending time outdoors, taking walks, hiking, and playing at the park. On quieter days, they love dancing, playing games, and watching TV together. “Music and impromptu dance parties are big in our house,” Steven said, smiling. “We try to balance structure with unplanned, silly moments. Those are the memories that remind us how special it is to be a family.”

The family of four

Reflecting on fatherhood, Steven acknowledged the challenges of setting a positive example. “Our words and actions shape how our kids view the world,” he said. “Parenting is humbling, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. Watching Jacob and Ariana grow into their own unique selves is the greatest privilege.”

Steven and Hector also shared advice for other LGBTQ+ men considering fostering or adoption.

“For other gay, bi, or trans men considering this path, my advice is to do your research, connect with a supportive agency or network, and surround yourself with people who understand the unique challenges and joys of fostering,” said Steven. “Make sure you’re emotionally prepared for the ups and downs, but also know that the love and impact you can provide is immeasurable. This path requires flexibility, resilience, and an open heart, but it’s also an opportunity to make a profound difference in a child’s life—whether they stay with you forever or for just a short time.”

At the courthouse on the day of Ariana’s adoption

Though they’ve faced subtle moments of discrimination as a same-sex family, Steven emphasized the importance of resilience and community. “We’ve had our share of lingering looks in less diverse spaces, but we focus on the love we’re building at home. That’s what truly matters.”

For Steven and Hector, fatherhood is a journey filled with love, learning, and growth. “We didn’t just become parents,” Hector said. “We became part of something much bigger—helping kids heal, grow, and thrive. And we wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

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