Foster Care
Foster care offers LGBTQ+ hopeful parents an opportunity to provide a safe and nurturing home to our nation's most vulnerable children -- kids who have been removed from their biological families.
There are some 400,000 children in the U.S. foster care system, and they range in age from newborn to 18 or 21 with a median age of 7-8 years. While the goal of the foster care system is reunification with birth families, 120,000 of these kids have no birth family members to return to. They are known as “freed for adoption” and they languish in the system waiting and hoping to some day be matched with a forever family of their own.
Many LGBTQ+ folks enter the foster system with the hopes of one day finding a forever child (or children) of their own. However, it is important to remember that the purpose of fostering is to provide a safe and nurturing home to a child in need and not to find a forever child for a family.
Of course, those who stick with the system will eventually be matched with a child or children in need of a forever family.
Fostering is not only about providing a safe and nurturing home; it is also involves honoring the complexities and challenges these children and their first families face, providing stability and compassion as you help them navigate it all.
The best way to learn everything you need to know about Foster-Adopt is to join GWK Academy. You will have access to the world’s largest resources and social community dedicated exclusively to supporting and guiding LGBTQ+ family-building.
Building your family will be one of the most important achievements of your adult life…do not go it alone!
The information below offers a sampling of the insights, resources and guidance you’ll have thanks to GWK Academy. So let’s start by answering some basic questions.
1. Is foster-adopt the right path for my family-building?
There are many misconceptions surrounding the foster care system, also known as the child welfare system. The truth is that children in foster care are removed from their homes through no fault of their own. There are around 400,000 children in foster care in the U.S., ranging in age from infants to young adults.
A foster family provides a safe and nurturing home to a child (or children) in need, and they play a crucial role in helping that child to heal. While the goal of foster care is successful reunification with the biological family, only about half of the children removed from their homes end up reuniting with their birth families. Many foster parents end up adopting one or more of their foster children.
Approximately 120,000 children are currently waiting to be adopted. Sadly, 20% of these children “age-out” of the system each year without permanent families.
Most foster agencies require their families to be matched with children in immediate need, regardless of the likelihood of becoming freed for adoption. You could be a foster parent for a child (or children) for days, months or even one or more years. If a child’s biological parents have had their parental rights terminated (voluntarily or by the court), foster families may also permanently adopt.
2. Who are the children in foster care?
Sadly, there are some 400,000 children in the U.S. foster care system each year.
There are many different reasons children are removed from their birth families, though poverty is frequently a contributing factor. While poverty alone is not a reason to remove a child from their home, the state of living in poverty often leads to neglect or abuse. For example, many families suffer from substance abuse and cannot afford to get proper treatment.
Whatever the reason, one point we want to make clear…no child deserves to be in the foster care system.
While they come from a variety of cultural and religious backgrounds and they range in age from infant to 18 years+ (with a median age of 7-8 years).
The number of African American children in foster care, while smaller than it was a decade ago, continues to be disproportionate relative to the population. Similarly, children from native cultures, and in some states Hispanic or Latino children, are more likely to enter foster care. These children are likely to remain there longer than white children.
According to a 2019 study, more than 30 percent of children in foster care identify as LGBTQ+. These youth are more likely to suffer harassment and abuse while in foster care. Their sexual orientation or gender identity has led them to be abandoned by their birth families only to enter a system that very often does NOT provide the support and safe space they need.
The truth is that the child welfare system in the United States is stretched beyond its capacity. There are simply more children in need of a home than there are available homes.
3. Is fostering the right way to start my family?
If your goal is to adopt a child from the foster care system, you will achieve that goal eventually! It just may not be the first child who comes to stay with you — or even your fifth. But if you approach fostering with the intention of making a lifelong impact in a child’s life, and you trust that the “right” child will eventually become “your child,” being a foster parent can be an incredibly rewarding experience.
Of course, knowing you’ve done the right thing for a child doesn’t mean it’s easy. You may fall in love with a child, and a child may fall in love with you, but being a foster parent does mean that you must support the overall goal of reunification – of bringing families back together – and the truth is that when that child leaves your care, it can be heartbreaking.
One thing to ask yourself is, “Am I driven by the desire to give a child a supportive, safe and loving home, no matter how temporary?” If your answer is “yes,” you could be making a positive difference in a child’s life that goes far beyond what you may ever see or understand. But if your answer is “no,” that doesn’t necessarily mean foster parenting is not for you.
After a child’s birth parents have had their parental rights legally terminated, it is more likely that fostering that child can lead to permanent adoption. But there are some things to know. First, these children are typically 8 or older, and are often part of a sibling set. They may also have a more significant history of trauma, which comes from being in the foster care system for a long time.
Specific requests you have about who you want to become a forever parent for will likely extend the time you wait for that match.
Deciding if fostering a child is right for you involves serious soul searching. It requires being honest with yourself and taking inventory of your own capabilities and limitations. For example, could you foster an infant? What about an older teen or siblings who want to stay together? Are you prepared to raise a child with a different race or ethnicity? Do you support the overall goal of reunifying a child with their family of origin?
There are many paths to parenthood, and only you can decide which is the best one for your family-building.
If you decide that foster-adopt is not the path you plan to pursue, that is completely fine, too. Please note that even so, there are many ways to support children in foster care short of becoming a foster parent — like serving as a mentor or donating to a reputable foster agency with a special passion for LGBTQ+ family-building.
4. What is foster care like from the child's perspective?
It’s important to understand how children in foster care think and feel. They have had their lives disrupted. Many have experienced significant trauma: Being removed from your family is itself a traumatic experience! So it’s only natural that your foster child placement may be suspicious of new adults entering their lives.
When heading to a foster home, a child may be thinking, “How long will I stay here?” or “Will I have to change schools?” Some may wonder, “Will my birth parents think I don’t love them?” or “Will I be abused again?” or “Will I ever see my siblings again?” They may be understandably angry, sad and feel lonely and isolated.
A significant part of the process to become a foster-adopt parent involves training and learning how best to support your child emotionally. This involves mad listening skills! And no one is better equipped to talk about the impact of foster care on children than the children who have been there. Foster Club, an organization dedicated to helping young people realize their personal potential, (both in and from foster care,) publishes a blog called Youth Perspective. Read about their experiences and their hopes for the future here.
5. Are there are rights or protections for LGBTQ+ folks who wish to become parents through foster-adopt?
The first thing you should know is that LGBTQ+ folks can absolutely create their family through foster care. This has been the case sine June 2015, thanks to a Supreme Court ruling that struck down all bans on same-sex marriage. More specifically, on March 31, 2016, a Mississippi federal judge ruled that the state’s ban on same-sex couples was unconstitutional, making that state the last in the nation to have such a law overturned. Since then, LGBTQ+ foster care and adoption has been legal in all 50 states and Washington, DC.
Even so, there are important nuances you should understand before starting your journey.
Many sates have since passed bills that allow tax-funded child welfare agencies to legally discriminate against prospective LGBTQ parents on the basis of religious objections. (Alternatively, other states have passed pro-LGBTQ bills forbidding this discrimination.) These laws often target single people as well, and have even been used to target people of different faiths. For this reason, it is important to know the foster care laws in your state.
What does this mean? It is very important to make sure that you work with an agency that is not only reputable and reliable, but is also a leader in LGBTQ+ family-building. Even the most conservative reddest of states will have at least one inclusive agency — and the coaches at GWK Academy are happy to connect you with one or more of these agencies.
6. What is a home study?
A home study is an important requirement for every foster and adoptive family. While it is labor intensive, you should know that the purpose of the home study is NOT to deter prospective parents. Rather, the primary purpose is to ensure you are taking the time needed to really evaluate what kind of parent you will be, and what types of placements you believe you are best suited for.
The name ‘Home Study’ is misleading — as the process is about much more than having a social worker visit your home. It includes background checcks and interviews with each member of your household, examinations of your financial, physical and mental health, your educational background, your parenting plans and style, and guidance for training. It is also a vital tool in preparing your growing family for the questions and realities ahead: race, identity, belonging, grief, curiosity about birth family, answering nosy questions from strangers and teaching your child how to respond to racial bias are some of the common themes addressed during this process.
It may seem overwhelming, just keep in mind that the whole process is really meant to help build your capacity to be the best, and most prepared, parent you can possibly be.
For more information on how to prepare for the Home Study please enroll in GWK Academy.
7. What is the process for becoming a foster-adopt parent?
Although the foster system is managed differently state-to-state, the overall process is similar no matter where you live.
Here are the key steps of a foster-adopt journey:
a. Choose your foster agency. We strongly encourage you to check out 2-3 agencies as part of your due diligence, which could mean attending an orientation or information session for each agency, reviewing their applications, participating in at least one interview / informational call, meeting some of the staff (and, especially, your social worker), getting an understanding of their passion for and experience with LGBTQ+ family-building, and checking out their training program.
Once you finalize your agency, you’ll have to complete their application, conduct your home study, and complete your training. When all these steps have been completed — typically 4-7 months, you are ready to be matched with your first placement.
Do NOT go it alone…once you have finalized foster-adopt as your path for family-building, enroll in GWK Academy and let us help guide and support you every step of the way.
8. What are all the different foster parenting options?
There are several different foster parenting options, which are listed below. One thing they all have in common? They each require you to become officially approved or licensed and to participate in ongoing training sessions.
Foster-Adopt
Foster parents matched with a child freed for adoption often end up adopting the child. (Also referred to as “foster-to-adopt”)
Foster Parent
Most foster parents start out being placed with a child or children who are in urgent need of a safe and nurturing home. Close to half of all kids placed in foster care will be reunified with someone from their birth family, so it is possible to provide a temporary home to multiple children before being placed with a child freed for adoption. Stays can be quite short or extend over many months or even years. Foster parents are committed to the wellbeing of the child and to partnering with child welfare professionals and the child’s birth family for the best possible outcome.
Kinship Care
This term describes relatives or other individuals from the child’s past, such as a teacher, coach, or scout leader, who take on the role of caring for the child. It is a great alternative for children who cannot be reunified with their immediate birth family members.
Emergency Care
Some foster families are only available to provide short-term, emergency shelter for children until a relative or other foster placement can be found. Because children can be removed from their homes at any time and on any day, sometimes emergency care is needed while the child welfare professional seeks out a suitable option. Typically, foster families who provide emergency care may have a child for just a few hours or days.
Respite Care
These caregivers provide short-term care for a child living with another foster family. It could be for an evening, a few days or a weekend. The idea is to provide the more permanent foster family with a break and time to re-charge or to attend a personal matter that requires them to travel.
Respite and Emergency Care are great ways to see if becoming a foster parent is the right choice for you.
9. Myths About Foster Care
Thanks to TV shows, movies and rare but shocking stories that find their way to mainstream media, there are several common myths about foster parents and the children in their care. Unsurprisingly, most of these preconceived notions and stereotypes are not remotely accurate or true.000
Myth #1
Children in foster care are juvenile delinquents or have severe behavioral issues. Nothing could be further from the truth! Foster children are in the system for many different reasons — typically due to neglect or abuse or unsafe living conditions. But one thing they all have in common is that they are in the system through no fault of their own! Many kids have parents trying their best but who don’t have the education or tools needed to adequately care for their children.
Myth #2
Only heterosexual and married couples can adopt from foster care. Our friends at the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption address this best. “Families who adopt are as unique and diverse as the children in their care, and children in foster care do not need to wait for some specific notion of family.” There are all kinds of loving families. In fact, same-sex couples are four times more likely to adopt a child than opposite-sex couples. And nearly a third of adoptive children live in single-parent homes. The bottom line is that children in foster care need adults who will commit to caring for them, to understanding the trauma they have experienced and to supporting them.
Myth #3
Some states prevent same-sex couples from adopting. This one does have roots in reality. It is true that each state creates its own laws regarding foster care and adoption, and it’s also true that some states continue to permit discrimination by child welfare agencies that do not receive federal funding. However, LGBTQ+ couples and singles can become parents through foster care in every state. (Those living in the most conservative state just need to make sure to find agencies and professionals who do not discriminate against LGBTQ+ family-building)
Myth #4
I’m too old to foster or adopt a child. There are millions of children being raised by grandparents across the U.S. There is no perfect age to become a parent, although different states and agencies may have restrictions on the maximum number of years allowed between the child’s age and the parent’s age.
Myth #5
Medical issues prevent me from fostering or adopting a child. Neither illness nor past addictions necessarily disqualify prospective foster-adopt parents from adopting. Those living with HIV or cancer, for example, are certainly eligible to adopt. This includes HIV and cancer. As long as your illness is being managed properly and doesn’t interfere with your ability to provide a safe, stable and nurturing home you have nothing to worry about. Those in recovery should note that some agencies may require a substantial period of sobriety before starting the foster-adopt process, and those with past illnesses may have to wait until their illness is considered in complete remission. The intention is not discriminatory, but rather a way to ensure that you will be prepared to parent a child who may require a significant amount of your energy and attention. The best interest of the child always comes before that of the foster parent.
Myth #6
It’s expensive to foster a child. Actually, the opposite is true. Compared to other paths to parenthood, including private adoption and surrogacy, foster care is very inexpensive. The average cost to become a foster parent ranges from $0 – $1,500. Financial support is usually available to help care for a foster child and, in fact, can continue post-adoption by way of federal and state tax credits, employer benefits, assistance with college expenses for older youth and more. You do not need to be wealthy to foster or adopt a child. You don’t even need to own your own home!
Myth #7
Biological parents can later “reclaim” their children. This is a common misconception, but it just isn’t true. Once a child’s birth parents have had their rights terminated, they cannot regain custody. Period. Adoption is permanent and adoptive parents enjoy the same rights and responsibilities as parents whose children are born to them. Open adoptions of children in foster care is becoming more common, and it allows the adopted child to maintains some level of contact with his/her birth parents. There is no right or wrong way to define your open adoption, and adoptive parents typically work with birth parents to set rules for their open adoption.