LGBTQ+ singles and couples wishing to have a biological connection with their children can do so via surrogacy, IVF, IUI, reciprocal IVF, and/or sperm and egg donation. Each of these pathways can be an incredible journey, and inherent in each are exciting possibilities and important decisions.
We know the process can feel overwhelming and intimidating, which is why we created GWK Academy!
GWK Academy is our free solution to provide you with expert guidance, personalized coaching, and connections with mentor parents who have been through it all.
You’ll also gain access to a curated curriculum and GWK-vetted family-building partners passionate about LGBTQ+ family-building.
No matter where you are on your journey, we are here to support you. Ready to take the next step? Join GWK Academy for free now and start building your biological family.
GWK Academy’s Biological Family-Building courses:
- Surrogacy and IVF (for Gay & Queer Men)
- Reciprocal IVF, IVF, and IUI (for Lesbian & Queer Women) – Coming Soon
- Trans Fertility Pathways – Coming Soon
1. What is IVF?
In vitro fertilization (or IVF) refers to the process of creating embryos in a laboratory by fertilizing an egg with sperm. The embryos develop over several days, and they will typically be cryopreserved (or frozen) until it’s time to transfer them to the uterus of your surrogate to attempt pregnancy. The first baby born via IVF was in 1979. Since then, over 8 million babies have been born thanks to this breakthrough reproductive technology — mostly to those struggling with infertility, but increasingly also to LGBTQ+ people hoping to have biological offspring.
2. What is third-party surrogacy/reproduction?
Third-party surrogacy or reproduction is a family-building option where LGBTQ+ parents-to-be work with one or more third parties—such as a gestational carrier, egg donor, or sperm donor—to have a biological child.
For gay men, this typically involves an egg donor and a gestational surrogate who carries the pregnancy but has no genetic connection to the child. For lesbian singles or couples, this typically involves a sperm donor though an egg donor or gestational carrier may also be required or considered. Trans individuals may also pursue third-party reproduction to build their families, depending on their fertility preservation options.
Third-party surrogacy is a complex but rewarding process that involves medical, legal, and financial considerations. Many LGBTQ+ parents-to-be work with fertility clinics, surrogacy agencies, and legal professionals to ensure a smooth journey. At GWK Academy, we provide expert guidance and support to help navigate each step of the process.
3. What is reciprocal IVF?
Reciprocal IVF is a fertility process that allows both partners with ovaries to share in the biological process of having a baby: one partner provides the egg, which is fertilized with donor sperm through in vitro fertilization (IVF), and the other partner carries the pregnancy and gives birth.
This process allows both partners to share in the biological and gestational aspects of parenthood. The partner providing the egg undergoes ovarian stimulation and egg retrieval, while the partner carrying the pregnancy prepares their uterus for embryo transfer.
Reciprocal IVF is a beautiful option for queer couples looking to grow their families while sharing the experience of bringing a child into the world together.
4. What is IUI?
Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a fertility treatment commonly used by lesbian and queer women to conceive using donor sperm. It is a less invasive and more affordable option compared to in vitro fertilization (IVF). During IUI, donor sperm is carefully washed and then placed directly into the uterus during ovulation to increase the chances of fertilization. The procedure can be done with or without fertility medications, depending on factors like cycle regularity and reproductive health.
5. What is home insemination?
Home insemination is a method of conception where sperm is introduced into the vagina or cervix outside of a clinical setting, typically using a syringe or specialized insemination kit. It is a common option for LGBTQ+ parents-to-be to conceive.
It is a less expensive option than a clinical method (IUI or IVF) but it requires careful timing to coincide with ovulation for the best chance of success.
While home insemination can be an accessible and low-cost option, it’s important to consider legal agreements (especially with known donors), proper sperm handling, and medical guidance to maximize safety and success.
6. The role of your IVF doctor and clinic
A biological parenthood journey is, first and foremost, a medical process. Your IVF doctor will play a crucial role in guiding you through each step, whether you’re pursuing surrogacy as a gay dad, reciprocal IVF as a lesbian couple, IUI, or fertility pathways as a trans parent.
Your clinic will:
- Screen you (and your partner if applicable)
- Evaluate and guide your egg or sperm donor selection
- Conduct fertility treatments such as IUI, IVF, or reciprocal IVF
- Facilitate embryo creation and embryo transfer
- Monitor early pregnancy for surrogates/intended parents
No matter your path, a knowledgeable and LGBTQ+ affirming clinic is key to a safe, successful journey to parenthood.
7. The role of your surrogacy agency
For those requiring a gestational carrier (also known as a surrogate) to become parents, you will likely work with a surrogacy agency, which will guide you through the entire surrogacy journey by handling screening, matching, legal coordination, and financial management. They also work closely with fertility clinics, attorneys, and surrogates to ensure a smooth process, from embryo creation to birth. Additionally, you can count on your agency to provide emotional support, insurance guidance, and parental rights assistance, ensuring intended parents have a secure and positive path to parenthood.
8. How much do biological pathways to parenthood cost?
The cost of LGBTQ+ family-building varies widely based on location, medical needs, and legal requirements. Below is a high-level breakdown of estimated costs for each pathway:
IVF with an Egg Donor & Surrogate (Surrogacy) for gay and queer men
Total Estimated Cost: $150,000 – $250,000+
Surrogacy is the most expensive path to parenthood. Costs vary based on clinic, location, insurance, and surrogate expenses.
Reciprocal IVF for lesbian and queer women
Total Estimated Cost: $15,000 – $30,000 per cycle
Reciprocal IVF costs more than traditional IUI because it involves full IVF treatment, with one partner undergoing egg retrieval and the other carrying the pregnancy. Additional cycles or embryo storage can increase costs.
Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) for lesbian and queer women
Total Estimated Cost: $800 – $4,000 per cycle
IUI is the most affordable assisted reproduction option for LGBTQ+ parents. Costs vary depending on the number of attempts needed and whether fertility medications or monitoring are required.
For a more comprehensive breakdown on the costs of biological pathways to parenthood, join GWK Academy for free.
9. Can HIV+ gay men become biological dads?
Yes, HIV+ gay men can become biological dads through safe and effective medical procedures.
Typically it works through sperm washing which is a process separating sperm from seminal fluid, which contains the virus, ensuring that only virus-free sperm is used for conception. Once it has been confirmed that no HIV is present, the sperm can be used for IVF or an IUI.
If an HIV+ person is on antiretroviral therapy (ART) and has an undetectable viral load, they cannot transmit the virus to their child or partner.
Thanks to these advancements, HIV+ folks can safely build biological families while ensuring the health of all involved.
10. IVF journeys with a surrogate and egg donor in the US for foreign nationals
Many gay and queer single men and couples from Europe, Asia, Central and South America, South Africa, Israel, Canada, and others come to the U.S. for their surrogacy & IVF journey to take advantage of our surrogacy-friendly laws, ethical practices that come from strict agency-enforced guidelines, and the opportunity to work with the world’s top fertility clinics and agencies.