Advocating for Inclusive Family-Building Benefits at Work
By Dr. Tom Bourdon, Board Certified Coach & Adoptive Gay Parent | Next Level Impact
When my husband and I were preparing to adopt our first child, I was working as the LGBT Director at a university — someone who, professionally and personally, should’ve been deeply attuned to equity. But even in that role, I found myself accepting less than I deserved.
At the time, biological mothers at my institution were offered 12 weeks of paid leave. Every other kind of parent — myself included — was given just four.
I was overwhelmed by the process of becoming a parent for the first time. Between legal steps, travel across state lines, and all the unknowns that come with adoption, I honestly felt lucky to be offered any leave at all. And that’s what I told myself — until one day someone asked, “Tom, why aren’t you advocating for more equitable benefits?”
That question stopped me cold.
It made me realize how even those of us who live and breathe LGBTQIA+ advocacy can internalize the idea that we should settle for less — especially when we’re so emotionally invested in just getting to parenthood.
So I started reaching out to other parents — queer parents, single parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, folks using surrogacy. I heard story after story of people who quietly accepted less because they didn’t think they were allowed to ask for more.
That’s when I decided to do something about it.
I gathered those stories, benchmarked benefits at peer institutions, and built a case rooted in equity. Not just equity for LGBTQIA+ parents, but for all parents navigating non-biological or nontraditional paths.
And the result? My employer changed its policy to provide equal paid leave to any employee serving as a primary caregiver — no matter how they became a parent. It wasn’t just a win for my family. It was a win for every family.
The Bigger Picture
This experience changed how I approach my work — both personally and professionally. As a Board Certified Coach and an LGBTQIA+ advocate, I now help others navigate their family-building journeys with clarity and confidence.
One thing I’ve learned: you are worthy of equity. And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply ask for it.
That’s why GWK Academy — and the coaching work I do through Next Level Impact — exists. We’re here to help you move forward in your parenting journey and advocate for the support you deserve, especially at work.
Whether you’re pursuing adoption, surrogacy, foster care, co-parenting, or another path entirely — your employer’s policies should reflect and respect your journey.
What follows are are some practical areas you can explore or bring to your HR team, Employee Resource Group (ERG), or DEI leadership.
Key Areas for Workplace Family-Building Advocacy
1. Parental Leave Equity
Review how leave is structured for different paths to parenthood. If adoptive or foster parents receive less than biological parents, that’s an equity gap worth addressing. Advocate for equal time for all primary caregivers.
2. Inclusive Policy Language
Words matter. Phrases like “maternity leave” or “mother/father” don’t reflect many LGBTQIA+ families. Encourage your company to use inclusive terms like “parental leave” or “primary caregiver leave.”
3. Fertility & Surrogacy Coverage
Does your insurance plan support fertility procedures or surrogacy-related medical expenses? Ask whether LGBTQIA+ individuals are eligible without an infertility diagnosis, which often doesn’t apply to us.
4. Financial Assistance for Family Building
Some companies offer stipends or reimbursements for adoption fees, IVF, or surrogacy costs. These benefits might not be well advertised — and if they don’t exist, you can be the one to raise the conversation.
5. Fertility Preservation
Ask if your plan covers sperm or egg freezing — something especially important for trans and nonbinary folks considering gender-affirming care, or anyone planning for future family building.
6. Support for Diverse Family Paths
Make sure your workplace benefits aren’t built around one single narrative of parenthood. Policies should support surrogacy, foster-to-adopt, older child adoption, co-parenting, and blended families.
7. Flexible Spending & Health Savings Accounts (FSA/HSA)
Dependent Care FSAs and HSAs can help with child care, fertility costs, and mental health services. Understand what’s already in place — and ask for clarity if these options haven’t been communicated.
8. Mental Health & Counseling
Parenting journeys can be emotionally intense — and often isolating. Ask whether your employer offers mental health coverage and LGBTQIA-competent providers, especially for those navigating fertility, adoption, or loss.
9. Legal Support & Referrals
From second-parent adoption to surrogacy agreements, legal guidance is often a big part of our journeys. See if your company offers legal support or vetted referrals — or encourage them to explore those options.
10. Benchmarking
Look at what other inclusive employers are doing. Bring that data to HR to show how your company stacks up. Real-world comparisons can be a persuasive way to spark change.
11. Ally Involvement & ERG Collaboration
You don’t have to do this alone. Team up with your ERG, HR, DEI department, or supportive leaders to advocate as a group. The collective voice is powerful — and it sends a message that this isn’t a “special request.” It’s about equity.
You’re Not Asking for Too Much
I want to be clear: advocating for yourself doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you brave. And it helps create a better path for the families coming after you.
Your journey to parenthood might not look like anyone else’s — and that’s exactly why your needs deserve to be seen and supported. Whether you’re at the very beginning or deep into the process, you have every right to ask, to speak up, and to be taken seriously.
And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Through GWK Academy and my work at Next Level Impact, I coach LGBTQIA+ individuals and couples every day who are navigating these same questions. Together, we create a plan — not just for building your family, but for building the support you need around it.
So take the first step. Ask the questions. Start the conversation. Advocate with confidence.
Because your family isn’t just possible — it’s powerful. And you deserve a workplace that honors that.