When Derek and Gaspare got married in 2019, they did it in a way that reflected who they are: on stage in a theater, with their loved ones as the audience. “The ceremony was in front of the curtain, and when it rose, the reception was on stage,” Derek recalls. “It was a night we and our guests still talk about.”
Now, six years into marriage and almost a decade together, the two theater teachers—Derek for middle school, Gaspare for high school—have added a new leading role to their lives: dads to their son, Mateo.
Their journey to parenthood was years in the making. “We talked about the importance of family on our first date,” says Derek. “We both knew we wanted to be parents, we just weren’t sure how.” While Derek initially considered surrogacy, it was an adoption information session with Friends in Adoption (FIA – one of GWK Academy’s trusted family-building partners) that changed everything.
“We were so impressed by how FIA supports birth mothers and promotes open adoption,” he says. “Their warmth and genuine care for everyone involved made us feel confident and comforted. It felt right.”
Even with clarity in their path, the process wasn’t without challenges. Derek and Gaspare waited over two years to be matched, and as a same-sex couple, they carried concerns about whether they’d be chosen. “We feared not being selected by a birth mother because we’re gay,” Derek shares. “We also had anxiety about how our family might be treated in public spaces.”
They found strength in each other. “We’ve navigated those fears by being a strong unit and leading with our hearts,” he says.
Mateo arrived just six weeks ago, and already the couple is experiencing the transformation parenthood brings. “The best part has been experiencing life and love in its purest form,” says Derek. “Living life through his eyes has made our lives so much clearer.”
Of course, the early days come with their own struggles. “The hardest part is making sure to take care of yourself and still find time as a couple,” Derek notes. “We know we have to be our best selves—as individuals and together—to be the best parents we can be.”
They’re already laying the foundation for Mateo to understand and embrace the diversity in families. “We’re constantly reading stories that feature different family dynamics,” Derek says. “We’ll continue to teach him about love, empathy, and support throughout his life.”
For LGBTQ+ people hoping to start their own families, Derek and Gaspare offer this advice: “Follow that dream. Believe in it. Be confident in who you are, and remember—it’s not about if it happens. It’s about when, because it will happen.”
And in this new chapter, their stage is set—not with lights and curtains, but with quiet midnight feedings, morning cuddles, and a kind of love that’s anything but scripted.
If you are interested in learning more about how to become a parent through adoption, join GWK Academy for and get access to expert resources specifically for LGBTQ+ folk.
