When Adam Frank and Pat Duffy met in graduate school, it was a pink shirt that sparked their story. “When I summoned the courage to walk over to him, the first thing I said to him was, ‘Hi. I have a pink shirt too,’” Adam remembers with a laugh. From that moment on, their connection grew stronger—through courtship, marriage, a shared career in higher education, and ultimately, the transformative journey to becoming parents.
Adam and Pat married in 2012 in Connecticut—two years after their engagement—since same-sex marriage was not yet legal in New York, where they lived. “Connecticut was where we met, and it was legal there. It just felt right,” Adam says. Now living in the Hudson Valley of New York, the couple shares their life with their 7-year-old son, Teddy, whom they adopted through the private agency Forever Families Through Adoption.
“We didn’t feel compelled to have biological children,” Adam explains. “We did feel a calling to offer our home and open our family to a child who needed a loving and secure place to grow up in.” The couple was drawn to adoption out of a deep belief in found family, and the desire to pass on the love and joy they experienced growing up.
Their path wasn’t without obstacles. As they began the adoption process, Adam was diagnosed with cancer for a second time. But instead of halting their plans, it only strengthened their resolve. “People asked if we still wanted to pursue parenthood. Our answer was yes. If we could conquer that together, we were ready for parenthood.” After months of treatment, Adam went into remission.
Since welcoming Teddy, life has only become richer. “Our son is the most social little guy with the kindest heart and an inquisitive spirit like none other,” Adam beams. “Seeing him get excited at developing a new skill or just spending time with those he loves—that is the most magical part of being a parent.”
Parenthood has also come with lessons in balance and authenticity. “It’s easy to lose yourself in being a parent,” Adam says. “But spending time in the closet made us want to continue living our authentic lives. We want to model that for our son.” That authenticity includes celebrating their identity openly and proudly, including through friendships with other LGBTQ+ families and attending their local Pride celebration.
Adam and Pat encourage LGBTQ+ people considering adoption not to be deterred. “The adoption experience can feel intrusive, scary, and expensive,” Adam admits, “but it has the most rewarding outcome of your entire life. All the challenges and heartache were part of our transformation into parents.”
For families on a similar path, they recommend working with an affirming agency like Forever Families Through Adoption. “They made us feel like family from the very first meeting.”
Above all, Adam and Pat’s journey is a testament to the power of love, resilience, and choosing family—pink shirts and all.
If you’re interested in learning more about becoming a parent through adoption, join GWK Academy to gain access to expert resources, mentors, and coaching calls – all for free!
